Note on a player piano.

Funny English Translations

Felix Wong's avatar
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Inside a silk factory in Suzhou, I wasn’t able to make out more than 5% of what our guide was saying in his perfect Mandarin. Hence, my attention drifted to the English signs posted around the building.

One of them in particular caught my attention. “Absolutely keep from rheumatism,” the placard exhorted. Then it hit me: I wasn’t understanding much of the English either.

Below are some of the funnier, confusing or confused translations I encountered. My favorite was this philosophical musing on the boxes of skin-care products in a shop selling more than 3,000 bamboo-derived items:

To maintain the beauty
is your dream
which is also maysteen’s forever pursuing

Poetic, yes?

Another translation I really liked was on a sign by the waterfront of Suzhou. “Lake dangerous, do not close.” I’m glad the Chinese will be keeping this dangerous body of water perpetually open for all!

"Absolutely keep from rheumatism."
"Absolutely keep from rheumatism."
The lake is dangerous so keep it open!
The lake is dangerous so keep it open!
Note on a player piano.
Note on a player piano.
Americans want to tan, but Asians want to become lighter, hence the whitening cream. Also note the motto on the bottle.
Americans want to tan, but Asians want to become lighter, hence the whitening cream. Also note the motto on the bottle.
"Skin keeps the time: to maintain the beauty is the dream which is also maysteen's forever pursuing."
"Skin keeps the time: to maintain the beauty is the dream which is also maysteen's forever pursuing."
New Tea Era Longjing green tea is "fashionable!"
New Tea Era Longjing green tea is "fashionable!"
"No lingering" (or doggies).
"No lingering" (or doggies).